


Confession x Revelation x Satisfaction

by BlueMyrian



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: 5 Times, Accidental Tickling, Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Canon Related, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Underage Relationship(s), Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Killua Zoldyck, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMyrian/pseuds/BlueMyrian
Summary: Killua accidentally admits to Gon that he's never been kissed before, and things only get worse from there.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 44
Kudos: 435





	1. Never Been Kissed

The first time almost feels like an accident, like it didn’t really happen. They are in the middle of a mission. It really isn’t the time or the place for Killua to be obsessing, and yet here he is, stealing glances at Gon’s face when he isn’t looking, his mind filled with a million questions. 

“Hey, Gon… have you… have you ever been kissed?”

Killua looks away just as Gon turns his head to reply, and interrupts before he can even answer.

“I don’t mean like on the hand or on the cheek or whatever, either. A real kiss.”

Gon smiles, pausing first to make sure Killua is done. 

“Of course! Why do you ask?”

Killua can’t bring himself to look Gon, his eyes scanning the scenery in front of him instead, as if he suspects he might have missed something the first time. 

“Oh… no reason.”

Killua still can’t wrap his head around the idea that Gon has had any kind of practical dating experience. On the one hand, it does make sense, growing up on a remote island like he did, with few residents and fewer visitors. But on the other hand, it makes Killua’s stomach turn to think of some gross older lady taking advantage of Gon like that. 

“Have you ever been kissed, Killua?”

“W-what? Of course not! Don’t be weird!”

Killua stammers, feeling his face flush and his hands clench involuntarily. Gon just shrugs. 

“I don’t think it’s weird. Someone once told me that in some countries it’s normal to greet other people with a kiss instead of shaking hands.”

Killua squints at him. _Yeah, sure, and it was probably some gross older lady who told you that so you wouldn’t think it was weird that she wanted to kiss a ten year old boy._

“Whatever.”

The truth is that Killua had never been shown much affection of any sort. There had been no hand-holding or boo-boo kissing at the Zoldyck family mansion. Far from it. Killua could probably count on one hand the number of times someone had initiated any kind of skin-to-skin contact with him that wasn’t combat related.

“It’s kind of nice you know…”

Killua’s attention snaps back to Gon, who is now looking up at the sky in that dreamy way he always does when he is remembering something nice.

“What is?”

“Being kissed.”

“Oh. I wouldn’t know.”

Gon sighs, and Killua wonders who it is that Gon is remembering being kissed by. An older woman’s face pops up in Killua’s mind, and he gags involuntarily. _Gross._

“Would you like to?”

Killua feels the heat rising to his face again, and decides it is a good time to carefully examine his fingernails. 

“Like to what?”

“To be kissed. You’ve never thought about it?”

Killua can feel his heart pounding in his ears. There is no way Gon can tell, right?

“I mean… I guess. I haven’t really thought about it…”

_Liar._

Killua chances a glance at Gon’s face, and immediately regrets it. Gon is looking right at him, his face relaxed, eyes bright and curious as ever. 

_Alright, calm down, idiot._

Killua takes a deep breath and forces his body to relax, leaning back to look up at the sky just as Gon had been a moment ago. Maybe he could buy himself some time if it looks like he is thinking about what Gon just said. Had he ever thought about being kissed? These days he couldn’t get himself to _stop_ thinking about it. Ever since the shocking revelation that Gon knew what dating was, had been on dates before, and was _good_ at it even, Killua found himself assaulted by the question. What would it be like if Gon kissed him?

“You could try it, if you wanted to.”

Killua inhales too quickly, choking on his own spit, and it takes a few minutes of coughing before he can rasp out an answer, eyes still watering.

“... What?”

“Kissing. If you want to. I could kiss you. Or, you could kiss me.”

“I… I…”

_I can’t breathe._

Gon holds Killua’s gaze expectantly, patiently, while Killua’s whole world comes crumbling down around him. _Kiss_ Gon? He had to. He couldn’t. He wanted to. There was no way. Gon was waiting. He couldn’t possibly expect him to do it. This wasn’t real. It had to be. It couldn’t be. His rib cage feels like it’s slowly being squeezed tighter and tighter. Only real life could hurt like this. 

“Can… I?”

Gon nods, once, and waits. Killua wills himself to breathe, and leans in. Gon shifts slightly, leaning towards Killua, his eyes closing in response. Killua hovers, allowing himself to stare for another moment at Gon’s calm, trusting face. Exhaling slowly, Killua closes the distance between them.

Killua drops his gaze, allowing his eyes to shut as he feels the soft press of Gon’s mouth against his own. It is only a moment. Forever. An instant. Killua feels himself pulling apart from Gon after what could have only been a few seconds, but felt like forever. 

He can feel himself sitting there, staring at Gon, smiling. His whole face is tingling, or maybe he is just imagining it. What had he been doing before? Kissing. Kissing Gon. Had there ever been anything else?

“See? It’s nice, isn’t it?”

Gon is just sitting there, smiling at him, the same as always. What was he talking about? Killua counts his own heartbeats, one, two, three, four, giving his brain time to reboot. Right. Kissing.

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.”

Satisfied, Gon turns back to the scenery. Killua just sits there, staring at him, listening to the sound of his own heart pounding in his eardrums. Suddenly Gon jumps up, spotting something in the distance. 

“Oh, look! Isn’t that the guy? Come on, Killua! Let’s go!”

Killua pauses, reluctant to let the moment go, even if just for a second. 

_Come on, idiot. Wake up. It’s over. Time to go._

With a sigh, Killua stands, launching himself after Gon.


	2. A Cure for Nightmares

The next time it happens, it is a moment of weakness. Killua cannot admit it out loud, but there are some nights when the nightmares still shake him to the core. Waking in the pitch dark, shaking and covered in sweat, it takes a moment before his vision adjusts enough to notice another pair of eyes, watching him.

“Sorry… didn’t mean to wake you…”

Killua tries to hide his face in the pillow, but the fabric is clammy and damp. Was he crying in his sleep? _Gross._

“Hey… are you alright?”

Gon’s voice is quiet, and concerned. Killua feels a hand sneak across the sheets to touch his shoulder. Gon’s fingers are warm against Killua’s rapidly cooling skin, and Killua turns back again to meet his gaze.

Gon. His presence is steadying, solid like a rock, and Killua wonders what his life would have been like if they had never met. His heart starts racing in response to the thought, and Killua grips a fistful of sheet. No. He can’t think about that right now. He needs to calm down. 

“My pillow is gross.”

Gon laughs at that, and Killua feels the tight band around his chest start to relax. Gon wiggles a bit on the bed, pulling away from Killua, and the band tightens again.

“You want to share mine?”

Killua sighs. _Yes._ Killua shakes his head against the bed.

“There’s not enough room.”

“Of course there is. Come on.”

Gon pats the bed next to him and Killua resists the urge to roll his eyes. Killua scoots himself closer until their knees are bumped up against each other, their arms are tangled awkwardly between them, and their heads are inches apart, only barely finding space together on the pillow. 

“See, I told you there was enough room.”

Killua is too close to see Gon’s mouth properly, but it doesn’t matter. Gon’s eyes are smiling right into him, and Killua briefly wonders if this is what claustrophobia feels like. There isn’t nearly enough air between them, and everywhere Gon’s warm skin comes in contact with his sets his nerves buzzing. 

After a moment, Gon’s smile fades, replaced by a small frown. 

“Killua?”

Killua realizes he’s still breathing heavily, and hasn’t been able to stop staring at Gon’s face. He shakes his head, and tries to smile.

“It’s nothing.”

Gon’s arms shift between them until he’s trapped one of Killua’s hands between his own, pressing gently. 

“You can tell me anything, if you want to.”

Killua’s heart is racing again, but not like before. The frantic fluttering of fear has been replaced by a firm, steady pounding. Killua can feel it in his hand. Maybe Gon can too. Being this close to Gon reminds Killua of something he told himself he had forgotten, and for a moment he wonders if he’s feeling brave, or just stupid. 

“I… I don’t think I can sleep like this.”

That seems to be enough to reassure Gon, because his smile is back again.

“It might help if one of us turned the other way.”

Gon shifts to start turning, and Killua stops him, squeezing his hand briefly.

“Wait.”

Gon stills, his eyes searching Killua’s face. Killua slowly scoots his head forward on the pillow until their foreheads are touching. Closing his eyes, he exhales slowly.

“Would you… kiss me?”

Killua keeps his eyes closed, body tense as he waits for an answer, but there is none. There is only the gentle press of Gon’s mouth brushing against his own, and Killua’s heart flutters when he realizes he can feel Gon smiling. 

It only lasts for a moment, but it’s enough to calm the last of the static buzzing in Killua’s brain, and he sighs. After a few more moments of awkward limb bumping and readjustment, Gon is facing out towards the edge of the bed, his back pressed tightly to Killua’s chest. 

“Better?”

Killua nods against Gon’s back, and Gon laughs.

“Alright. Just don’t blame me if you wake up on the floor.”

This time it’s Killua’s turn to laugh. The threat is not an empty one, but Killua can give as well as get when it comes to bad bed manners. It’s likely they will both end up on the floor by tomorrow morning.

“Gon… thank you.”

Gon mumbles something in response. Killua wonders if perhaps he didn’t hear it. He briefly debates asking Gon to repeat it, but a few seconds later he realizes Gon is already asleep. Smiling, Killua presses his forehead to the gentle rise and fall of Gon’s shoulders, and lets the motion lull him back to sleep.


	3. The First Confession

The third time comes as a complete surprise. Killua doesn’t even have time to react when Gon grabs him by the shoulders.

“Killua! You did it! We did it!”

Gon laughs and Killua can’t help but grin back at him. His enthusiasm is contagious as always.

“I’m so glad you’re my best friend, Killua! I love you!”

Before the words can even sink in, Gon half leans, half pulls Killua forward to plant a kiss right on him before bounding away to some other celebratory activity. 

Killua’s whole body freezes in place. His brain stops, a black hole, silently counting the seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

_WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?_

Killua’s hands fly up to cover his face. His smile is so wide it makes his face hurt. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registers that there are other people around him. Did somebody see that? Did someone hear that? Did that really just happen?!?

Killua feels someone pulling him into the group. His smile is mirrored by all the smiling faces around him. Celebration. Excitement. Relief. Gon is excited, and restless, but never more than a glance away. Killua feels drawn to him, like a magnet. It feels dangerous, like if he were to reach out and touch him, anything could happen. Carefully, Killua draws an imaginary box around that feeling, and sets it aside. Now is not the time. He will have to deal with… whatever this is, at a later date. 

-

Early the next morning, Killua scrolls through the contacts on his phone. Selecting one, he makes the call. 

_Please pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Come on._

The phone rings for nearly two whole minutes. Killua waits. Then, suddenly, it connects.

“Yes?”

“I need to meet with you.”

“... Alright.”

The person on the other end is quiet for a moment, and Killua can hear the sound of paper shuffling. The shuffling stops. Killua is given a date, a location, and then the line goes dead. Killua rolls his eyes at the phone.

_Rude, as usual._

Truthfully, Killua is relieved at his luck. He checks the calendar. The date is only two days away, and the location is not far. 

-

Kurapika is already seated, reading a book and letting the ice melt in his drink by the time Killua gets there. Killua briefly wonders if he’s ever seen Kurapika in anything like a suit before, before pushing the thought aside. He slides into the bench on the other side of the table, and eyes the menu curiously.

“So, what did you need to see me for?”

Kurapika doesn’t even look up from his book, and Killua is suddenly glad for his rudeness. Fiddling with the menu, nervously, Killua looks anywhere but at Kurapika.

“It’s… uh, about Gon.”

Kurapika does look up at that, expression concerned.

“Is he okay?”

Killua shakes his head.

“No, er, I mean yeah. He’s fine. That’s not what I meant… there’s nothing wrong with Gon. It’s just… he… uh…”

Killua’s throat suddenly feels dry and tight. Was this a mistake? How is he ever going to explain? And to _Kurapika_ of all people. But Kurapika is here, waiting for an explanation, the silent moment between them slowly filling with his impatience. 

“He… kissed me.”

Killua glances at Kurapika’s face as he says it. A fascinating roulette of emotions rolls across the blonde’s face in the space of a few seconds. Surprise. Confusion. Curiosity. Amusement. Sympathy. And finally, calm. 

“And? What is your question?”

Killua realizes he’s still picking at the menu, and hastily puts it down before he can do any real damage. 

“Well I… I’m not sure what to do…”

Kurapika hums softly, and closes his book. He sets it down on the table, and pushes the drink across to Killua. Killua takes it, gratefully, and downs half of it in one go. It tastes cold, and sweet, and Killua realizes Kurapika probably didn’t order it for himself. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need a little more information than just ‘he kissed you’. Did he say anything? Did you say anything? Did you kiss him back?”

Killua shakes his head. 

“No, I didn’t kiss him back this time. I didn’t get a chance. It all just happened so fast.”

Kurapika’s eyebrow threatens to disappear off his face.

“This time?”

Killua’s face is burning. He pretends to stir his drink with a straw, and doesn’t dare look up to meet Kurapika’s gaze. He hears the bench creak as Kurapika sits back, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Listen, I know it’s been a while, but you really are going to have to tell me everything if you want my help.”

Killua sighs. 

“Alright, alright. The first time was a few years ago. I told Gon I… I had never been kissed, and he offered… to let me try it, so I did. And then another year or so after that... I… just… had a bad dream. I asked him to… and he did. It was nothing. But three days ago… he just grabbed me and he said…”

Killua’s hands are both clenched tightly around the wet glass in front of him, and he has to concentrate on not accidentally breaking it. It’s a good distraction from his burning face, his jumping nerves, Kurapika’s steady gaze.

After a significant pause, Kurapika shifts in his seat again.

“And? He said what?”

Killua glances up from the table to watch Kurapika’s reaction. 

“He said… ‘I’m so glad to have you as a best friend’... ‘I love you’... and then he kissed me.”

Kurapika’s face softens, a small smile growing at the corners of his mouth.

“Oh Killua…”

Killua frowns. It was not the reaction he had been hoping for. 

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Well _what do I do,_ Kurapika!? My best friend just told me he loves me!”

“I don’t really see a problem here. You love him back, don’t you?”

Killua splutters for a moment, flustered. 

“I… well… I… yes… but, that’s not the same!”

“Is it not?”

“No!”

“How?”

“Because he loves me as a _friend_ Kurapika! And I… don’t…” 

Kurapika leans forward, balancing his chin on the tips of his fingers, and sighs.

“Are you sure you’re not just overthinking it?”

Killua snorts. Kurapika’s eyebrow raises.

“I’m serious. I know that Gon can be very… naive, but do you really think he doesn’t know what he said? You went with him to Whale Tail Island, right? You met his family? How many times have you heard Gon say ‘I love you’, to anyone?”

Killua frowns. Has he ever heard Gon say that before? To Mito? To anyone else? It seems strange to think that he might not have. As affectionate as Gon can be with others, it’s not that often that he actually puts it into words. Killua has definitely heard Gon say ‘I love you’ to aunt Mito before, but back then it seemed to be out of obligation rather than by choice. It didn’t sound the same.

“I can’t fuck this up, Kurapika.”

Kurapika sighs. 

“I doubt there’s anything I can do to help you with that, Killua.”

Not satisfied with the answer, Killua shifts in his chair.

“Well, what about you? How do you handle something like…”

Killua makes a vague hand gesture. Kurapika’s gaze slides back to his book on the table, his expression carefully bored, like he is no longer interested in the conversation.

“I can’t say I’ve ever had the opportunity. I really wouldn't know.”

Killua rolls his eyes.

“Yeah? And what about Leorio? What do you say to him, when he tells you he loves you?”

Kurapika freezes with shock, like he’s just been tazed, and Killua has to fight the overwhelming urge to laugh. He decides to finish his watered-down drink instead, making rude slurping noises with his straw as Kurapika splutters his way back to coherency. 

“I… how could… I don’t… _Leorio!?_ You can’t be… I… I just… what makes you… I cannot believe… how dare you assume I… what… just…”

Kurapika’s ears are both flushed red, his hands are fluttering about like he doesn’t know where to put them, and he can’t quite meet Killua’s gaze. Killua casually shakes what’s left of the ice in his glass.

“... you done?”

Kurapika seems to decide that sitting in silence and glaring at Killua are his best options.

“I’m not an idiot, Kurapika.”

“ _Clearly._ ”

Killua grins. 

“So? I told you mine.”

Kurapika looks down at his hands, carefully folded together on top of the table. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before speaking again.

“As you can clearly see, I’m not an expert at any of … this… and I am _not_ going to discuss the details of mine and Leorio’s relationship with you but… I can tell you that I think you need to talk to Gon. He has told you how he feels. I think it’s only fair for you to tell him your side of things.”

The two of them sit in silence together for several long moments, each staring down at the table, lost in their own thoughts. 

“Alright.”

Kurapika looks up at the sound of Killua’s voice, so clear and determined.

“I’m gonna do it.”

Killua stands up from the table, and gives Kurapika an uncharacteristically shy smile.

“Thanks, Kurapika.”

And with that he is gone, leaving Kurapika alone once again. Kurapika picks up his book with a smile.


	4. A Pleasant Distraction

He couldn’t really call the next one an accident, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. He had meant to follow Kurapika’s advice. He really did. But, somewhere along the way, he got distracted. 

Not just somewhere. Killua knew exactly where. He and Gon had gone out to grab something quick for lunch. It was a beautiful, sunny day outside. The kind of day that made people want to hang around outside for no reason. Killua would have been happy to grab a candy bar or some chocolate, and be on their way. Gon, naturally, wanted to sit down and have a real lunch.

That was where the trouble started. They managed to find a food cart that wasn’t already swamped with people, acquired food, and began to look for somewhere to sit. Most of the available seating was taken, so Killua and Gon ended up perched at the edge of a nearby fountain. They were not the only ones. 

Seated further along the curb of the fountain was another couple who, in Killua’s opinion, were entirely unskilled in the art of subtlety. They seemed determined to be attached to one another at the mouth, despite the obvious necessity for things like breathing. Killua chose to ignore them, for the most part, and focused instead on eating his lunch as quickly and methodically as possible. 

Gon, unfortunately, did not seem to share Killua’s perspective on the matter. Killua caught him several times glancing at the couple, and even once caught him sneaking a glance at Killua afterward. _It doesn’t mean anything._ At least, that’s what Killua told himself at the time.

It wasn’t until much later that day, after collapsing with relief, face down, onto the shitty mattress of their shitty room at the only shitty hotel in the area, that Killua remembered he still hadn’t talked to Gon about ‘the incident’. 

It had been almost a month, and Killua still had a hard time believing it really happened. But, he hadn’t forgotten Kurapika’s advice. He had, in fact, already spent a ridiculous amount of time rehearsing what he would say in his head. _Gon, I need to tell you something. Gon, I love you. Gon. I’m in love with you. Gon…_

Killua pushed his face down further into the pillow, nearly suffocating himself at the thought. He _had_ to say something. Gon flopped down onto the bed next to him with a sigh, and Killua propped himself up on an elbow to look down at him. It had been a long day for both of them. It would be easy to simply say goodnight and leave any discussion for another day, but something about Gon’s expression tugged at him. He should say something. 

“Hey, Gon. I was thinking about… something.”

Gon made a soft hmming noise, and turned his head, indicating he was interested. Killua grimaced to himself. The full force of Gon’s curious gaze never failed to unsettle Killua in the most frustrating way. This was never going to get any easier, was it?

“I was thinking… about kissing…”

Gon’s reaction was immediate. Every tired line in his body disappeared. He propped himself up to match Killua, their faces level with one another. Killua suddenly remembered the ‘affectionate’ couple from earlier that day, and nearly slapped himself. 

_Oh no. He thinks I’m talking about_ that _kind of kissing._

“I, uh… well…” 

Killua fumbled. _Great._ The conversation was already headed in the wrong direction, and he hadn’t even said anything yet. He had to shift Gon’s attention somehow. Quickly.

“Do you wanna try it?”

_Yes._

The thought was immediate, the decision made before Killua’s brain fully registered the question. The worst part was, Gon could tell. Killua wasn’t sure if he should be pleased or frustrated that Gon had gotten so good at reading him. It certainly wasn’t doing him any favors right now. 

Gon had already scooted closer to him on the bed, cautiously, but without breaking eye contact. Killua felt his heart race at the possibility of what was about to happen, but couldn’t quite bring himself to stop it.

“Killua? Do you want to kiss me?”

_I am so screwed._

Killua didn’t bother answering, reaching across the narrow gap between them to grab the back of Gon’s neck, pulling him closer. The press of Gon’s mouth against his was a familiar one by now. How many times had he wanted this, dreamt about it? 

All the kisses they had shared before had been momentary. A meeting, and parting, with nothing but a few precious seconds in between. This was different. Killua felt the muscles in Gon’s neck shift under his hand first, Gon’s jaw relaxing as he let his lips part. Suddenly feeling breathless, Killua followed suit, trying to mimic the movement. He tried to remember what the couple from before did. What did their mouths look like? How did they move? 

After a few moments of awkward bumping and fumbling, they found a rhythm. Their mouths meeting and parting, sliding and pressing, inhaling and exhaling together. Killua’s head suddenly feels light. His whole body, in fact, feels like it could just float away if it weren’t being held down. 

A warm shudder courses down Killua’s spine when he finally realizes what’s happened. Killua has leaned himself back a bit, instinctively allowing Gon room to prop himself up over him. It’s Gon’s hand that’s at his hip, gently pushing him into the mattress, and Killua isn’t quite sure when it got there. 

_Wait a minute,_ his brain interjects, after analyzing their relative positions. _Why am I the girl one?_

Before he has too much time to think about it, Killua feels the unmistakable sensation of Gon’s tongue slipping into his mouth and his brain turns to jelly. It feels like there are rabbits jumping around in his stomach. Killua’s free hand is gripping the back of Gon’s neck perhaps a little too tightly, but the thought of letting go is simply unacceptable. 

Again, Killua tries to focus on mimicking Gon’s movements. As soon as he gets a chance, Killua slips his tongue into Gon’s mouth, running the tip of it along the roof of Gon’s mouth, just behind his teeth. Gon responds almost immediately with a groan, and the sound of it ignites something hungry, deep in Killua’s gut. He _definitely_ wants to try that again.

Killua immediately turns it into a game, trying to coax as many little groans and shudders and gasps from Gon as possible, while still giving Gon his ‘turn’ to do the same. Gon is encouragingly responsive to Killua’s efforts, but after a few minutes it becomes clear that the exhaustion of the day is beginning to take over. The kissing is starting to get uncomfortably sloppy, and they are both badly out of breath. 

Eventually, Gon concedes to his shaking limbs and collapses, half over Killua. Killua laughs and pats him feebly on the back. 

“Time for bed?”

Gon groans an affirmative into Killua’s shoulder.

“Alright. You just gonna stay there?”

A nod. Killua sighs. It’s not that he minds Gon’s weight or proximity, but they are both still fully clothed, shoes and all, with the blankets trapped beneath them. 

It’s only a few minutes before Gon’s heavy breathing evens out. Killua is content to let the regular sensation of Gon’s warm breath ghosting over his neck and shoulder lull him to sleep when a sudden pang of guilt hits him. He still hasn’t said anything to Gon. As much as he enjoyed the sudden turn of events, Killua decides he can’t just let it go. At least, as long as Gon isn’t already asleep. 

“Hey… Gon? You asleep?”

Killua turns his head, nearly going cross-eyed with the effort of distinguishing Gon’s facial features from so close up. A small hum, and a pair fluttering eyelids confirm that Gon isn’t asleep quite yet.

“I just wanted to tell you… I love you…”

Killua can’t help but hold his breath as he waits for Gon to process what he just said. He can feel Gon’s body tense, and see a hard glint shining in his eyes. Killua recognizes that look. Victory. It’s the look Gon always gets when he thinks he’s just won something worth bragging about. Kurapika really _was_ right. 

The thought makes Killua’s head spin. His chest suddenly feels too small, too tight, for all the emotions welling up inside. Gon loves him. And sure, there may still be a few lingering doubts in the back of Killua’s mind, but right now none of that matters. 

“I’m sorry, it took me a while to say it.”

Gon shakes his head with a sigh. 

“No, Killua. I love you too.”

Lifting his head briefly off the bed, Gon makes the effort to give Killua one last, brief kiss, before collapsing again.

“Goodnight, Killua.”

Giddy and smiling like an idiot, it takes a long time before Killua can calm down enough to sleep. Laying there, listening to the soft even sounds of Gon’s breathing, he knows for certain, this is the happiest he’s ever been. 

When the exhaustion finally begins to overcome him, Killua gently whispers.

“Goodnight, Gon.” 

And falls asleep with a smile.


	5. Personal Touch

The next several months fly by Killua in a giddy rush. Even when the days aren’t filled with stolen kisses and laced fingers, he feels a heightened sense of peace. His normally anxious brain seems muted somehow, distant. It’s nice, for once, to have a pleasant distraction from all the noise. 

Gon, however, seems wholly immune to distraction. No matter how minor the mission, or simple the task at hand, Gon’s focus seems unshakable. Always half-distracted, daydreaming about when he’ll have a chance to kiss Gon next, it takes Killua a while to realize his mistake. It’s Gon’s practical and straightforward attitude that helps guide Killua’s emotionally excited brain back down to earth, and for that, Killua is extremely grateful. Being a hunter is never an easy job, and a distracted mind could very easily lead to dire consequences. 

Killua is glad to discover that even when he finally does come to his senses, that calm feeling of happiness stays with him. It is as persistent as Gon’s own presence in his life, and it is hard now to even remember what life was like before it. This, Killua supposes, is the new ‘normal’.

Gon seems happier too, although it’s harder to tell with his aggressively positive personality. During the rare moments when they find themselves alone, with no mission or task or plan to carry out, Gon’s calm seems to match Killua’s own. Although, lately, Killua has begun to notice Gon sneaking glances at him when they are alone. It confuses him. If there was something on Gon’s mind, something he wanted to ask him, wouldn’t he just say it? Next time, Killua decides, he will ask him about it.

Next time, of course, turns out to be several months later, after a long and annoyingly tedious mission. Relieved to be back in the relative safety of civilization, the first thing they do is rent a hotel room, somewhere with a real bed, and food. After stuffing themselves in the hotel restaurant, they dragged themselves upstairs, kicked off their shoes, and promptly fell asleep. 

When they wake, several hours later, the room is dark. The sun has set, and neither of them had bothered with the lights when they first came in. They both lay there in silence for a while, just listening to each other breathe, letting their eyes adjust to the faint light glowing from behind the curtains. When they finally do speak, they both manage to do so at once.

“Killua?” “Gon? Oh…”

Killua felt Gon’s head move on the pillow, turning towards him. 

“Did you want to say something?”

Killua shook his head.

“No, you go first.”

Gon sighed. The silence stretched on longer than Killua expected, but Killua didn’t dare interrupt. Whatever it was, Gon was clearly hesitant to bring it up, but that was fine. Killua could be patient. 

Finally, Killua felt Gon shift on the bed again. 

“Killua, do you not like being touched?”

Killua blinked in the darkness. Well. That certainly wasn’t what he had been expecting.

“I… I don’t know. Why do you ask?”

Gon sighed again. Killua frowned. Was it really bothering him that much?

“Well, you know, all we really do is kiss and hold hands and stuff and… that’s great! And it’s fine if you don’t really wanna do anything else but… I thought I should ask because it seems like… maybe you don’t?”

Killua laughed. He couldn’t help himself. Killua had always found Gon to be so disarming that he had never once considered the fact that Gon himself might be practicing caution. Just the idea that Gon might have been trying all this time to be careful and considerate with Killua’s feelings brought a wave of warmth surging into his chest. 

Killua turned in the bed to face Gon, reaching out across the sheets until he located a hand, and squeezing it briefly.

“The truth is, I really don’t know. I’ve never had this kind of relationship with anyone before. Not even close. I’ve never really had to think about it. I guess… I’m just so used to keeping my distance with people, I didn’t realize I was doing that with you. I’m sorry.”

Killua felt Gon squeeze his hand back in acknowledgement.

“Mm, I think I understand.”

“You know, Gon, if there was something you wanted to try… I trust you.”

Gon shifted again on the bed, scooting closer, and Killua could almost feel the determination radiating from him. Killua’s heart started to race. What was going to happen next?

Gon was so close now that their knees were bumping together and Killua could feel the warmth of Gon’s breath when he spoke.

“Killua? Can I touch you?”

Killua nodded, not trusting his own voice. He reached out to grab both of Gon’s hands, guiding them to lay flat, two warm palms pressed against his shirt. Then he let go. 

Gon’s hands slid slowly downwards, his fingers pressing into Killua’s shirt like they were trying to discover some mystery hidden just beneath fabric. Killua shivered at the touch, and Gon paused, resuming only once Killua hummed softly, reassuring him. Eventually, Gon’s hands reached the hem of Killua’s shirt, and slipped underneath, warm skin to warm skin. 

Killua knew he was breathing harder than he had any right to be, and his face was so hot he was sure he was blushing in the dark. His hands felt awkward, just laying trapped in the space between the two of them. Reaching forward, Killua pressed his own hands to Gon’s warm chest and left them there. He was determined not to distract Gon from whatever it was he had planned. At least, not too much. 

Gon’s hands started moving again, sliding back up Killua’s stomach, when they suddenly stopped. Killua frowned, confused at first. Then he felt Gon’s thumb brushing over the raised tissue of an old scar, and he smiled. 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I’ve got plenty of those. You going to stop for every one?”

Gon let out an amused huff, and Killua grinned to himself. Good. Gon seemed a little less intense, and a little more at ease now. 

Unfortunately, Gon also seemed to take Killua’s words as a challenge, and now his fingers were gently brushing over Killua’s middle, seeking out every mark and scar. Killua tried to hold it in, he really did, but after only a few moments, he found himself wheezing and clutching Gon’s shirt tightly in his fist.

“Wait I… haha… no… hahaha… stop!”

Gon stopped almost immediately, pressing both hands firmly to Killua’s chest until Killua could breathe normally again. Killua didn’t have to be able to see Gon’s face to know the idiot was grinning fiercely at him. 

“Alright, yes. So apparently I’m ticklish. It’s not that funny.”

Realizing that his shirt was riding up awkwardly, and Gon’s hands were being restricted by the pull of the fabric, Killua began to wiggle away.

“Hold on a minute.”

As Killua struggled to free himself of his shirt without having to get up from the bed, another seemingly brilliant thought came to him. 

“You take off your shirt too.”

He felt Gon move to comply, and grinned. Good. 

“Now, come closer.”

Killua scooted forward until their now bare chests were pressed together, their legs were intertwined, and they both had one arm each trapped awkwardly up above their heads. Killua guided Gon’s free hand to hang over his side, and Gon immediately got the hint, pressing his palm to the middle of Killua’s back. Killua grinned, folding his free arm between them to hook around the back of Gon’s neck, pulling him closer.

“No more tickling, okay?”

Gon grinned. 

“Got it.”

“Good, now kiss me.”

And so he did. Killua found it was much easier to distract himself from any tickling sensation while he was focused on kissing Gon, and Gon’s movements were slower and more deliberate thanks to Killua’s distraction. 

Killua knew Gon wouldn’t stop until he had satisfied whatever curiosity was driving him, and the thought made Killua’s heart flutter in his chest. No matter what the eventual destination, however, Killua was determined to enjoy every second getting there. The night was still young, after all, and there was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks! Thank you so much to everyone who has commented or left kudos, and to everyone who will leave comments or kudos here in the future. I really appreciate all the support! 
> 
> This is actually the first chaptered fic that I have both completed and posted in full here on Ao3. It's been a big goal of mine for a while now, and I think this fic was the perfect size to help me reach that goal ( I have so many massive, monstrous WIPs guys ).
> 
> Anyway, here's to setting and achieving even more writing goals in the future! With any luck, at least some of them will be more fics like this one! :)

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter takes place some time near the beginning of the chimera ant arc, and gets progressively vague from there because I'm still working on finishing the 2011 series. (No spoilers please :p )
> 
> When I first started working on this fic, I had the "Five times..." trope in mind, so there should eventually be five chapters with some kind of attempt at that format. As of this writing, I have three chapters finished and have started on the fourth. 
> 
> For those curious about the character tags, Kurapika makes a brief and embarrassing appearance in chapter three. 
> 
> That's all for now! I hope you enjoyed, and thank you very much for reading!


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